Send in the Clowns

clowns1This week’s clown sighting in the woods behind my children’s grammar school caused a panic induced, district-wide lock-down and a roaming mob of concerned, armed parents, supported by local law enforcement authorities, to scour the county searching for a man in clown makeup.

Reports from witnesses told of the clown doing everything from peeking out from behind a tree, to offering children fee candy from a nondescript, windowless van, to ritually sacrificing a puppy.

Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns.

The only leg-pull in the above description is the exact location. As far as I know, there have been no clown sightings in my end of the Tennessee Valley, but with the scary clown hysteria sweeping the country, I expect to be recruited into an insane clown posse any day.

Hopefully, I won’t go insane in the membrane.

I’ve long held the opinion that eyewitness accounts are the least reliable form of evidence. This is especially true when the witness is also the victim. Pain, adrenaline, shock, and emotional stress screw up perception and the mind’s ability to accurately recall the most basic of details.

Disregard the mountains of research that clearly demonstrate everybody sucks at accurate detail recollection in stressful situations. Ask your favorite cop how often a witness’s description of anything is accurate.

It’s not that they’re lying. They’re just plain wrong.

We labor under a cultural assumption that children are accurate relaters of information and possess astute observational powers. It’s as if we believe children are born with clairvoyance that diminishes as they approach majority.

That’s hogwash. Children are sneaky, devious liars who relish opportunities to embarrass adults by innocently blurting out gems such as, “My baby brother was an accident” or “Mommy and Daddy are buying me a pony for Christmas. They’re hiding all the leather tack gear in the closet.”

You’ll get a pony the day I get peace in this house.

Children are not allowed to make important decisions in their lives precisely because they lack experience, the ability to accurately discern, and a wider contextual understating of the world. In short, they’re ignorant of most things, and to take what they say at face value, without rigorous scrutiny, corroborating testimony, and physical evidence, is parental foolishness.

Now, that I think about it, we should probably disregard the vast majority of what children say because it’s mostly whining. Entertaining their petty grievances and indulging their fantasies only encourages them in their neuroses. Try telling my grandfather there was a clown lurking in the woods. You’d be lucky to only be laughed at. More likely, the response would be, “Then don’t go near it, stupid.”

clowns4Harsh? Perhaps, but still sublime. Somewhere along the line, we decided the only letter’s that should not be appended to a gentleman’s name on his calling card are M, A, and N.

Post-secondary education produces exactly the opposite of what it claims. Today, college only makes people dumber. The same founts of idiocy that have given society safe spaces and trigger warnings, also turn out educators, administrators, and civic officials who will shut down an entire school district on a child’s say so.

Doesn’t anybody besides me remember the McMartin preschool case and how many lives were ruined by false testimony from children?

How many IQ points are sacrificed with each tuition check written?

The creepy clown craze has grown from a few isolated instances of idiots to a full-blown hysteria. Schools are prohibiting clown masks during Halloween. Various local police are arresting people in clown costumes for disturbing the peace, inciting public disorder, or whatever catch-all law their jurisdiction uses to deal with low-grade troublemakers.

Most of the arrests are of teenagers getting their kicks scaring younger kids. It’s deplorable behavior, but pretty much what I’d expect from a teenage boy. Whom I really feel for are the honest-to-goodness, no-kidding, professional clowns, who spend years perfecting their craft, only to see their bookings evaporate. That’s the real crime, destroying someone’s livelihood.

If your age ends in “teen,” it’s an open question as to whether you should be counted as a human being or not.

According to spokesfool Josh Earnest, the White House has consulted with the FBI and Department of Homeland Security about how to handle creepy clowns.

Holy crap. Dig up J. Edgar Hoover because this just became a federal case right up there in magnitude with bank robbery, human traffickers, underage prostitution, child pornography rings, and ISIS trying to cut our heads off.

Since when are assholes in greasepaint such a big problem?

clowns2A quick look around the internet reveals the growing counter-hysteria of videos depicting what can be classified as just deserts for clowns behaving badly. These videos show what I would imagine is a non-professional clown who approaches someone going about his day and behaving in one of those disorderly manners that would earn them arrest by a policeman. Basically, being a jackass.

The person or persons approached, either out of what seems genuine fear or simply not being in a mood to be screwed with, knocks the tar out of the clown.

And I can’t say as I blame them. Most people have no desire to be drawn into someone else’s silliness. If you’re stupid enough to go around antagonizing strangers, don’t be surprised when they express their displeasure strongly.

If you’re gonna be dumb, it helps to be tough.

Here is my wild-assed theory: This whole creepy clown hysteria is a viral marketing campaign spun out of control.

My first thought was the campaign was connected to Stephen King’s IT movie adaptation. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and television mini-series. However, with a release date of September 2017, the timing seems off. Hysterical clown sightings for nearly a year seems to be too long to ask to hold the public’s attention.

Besides, both Stephen King and the film’s distributor, New Line Cinema, are established names with enough budget for a traditional marketing campaign and stand to lose far more than they gain when it foreseeably spins out of control the way it has.

clowns6Just like Youtube, Coca-Cola, and Apple, Stephen Kind and New Line Cinema are such dominant players in their fields with such broad general appeal that avoiding alienation of a segment of society is more important that thrilling and impressing a tiny target demographic; i.e., horror movie fans.

Rob Zombie, on the other hand, is a better candidate for wild accusations. His latest movie, 31, is clown-centric and was released September 16th of this year.

Hummmmmm. Law enforcement types call these things “clues.”

clowns5A well-known, but far from household name, movie maker releases a horror movie set in a circus, chock-full-o’-clowns, right at the same time dumbasses in clown costumes begin making benign appearances standing near trees and skittish, overprotective parents hit the panic button, setting off a national frenzy that makes it to the White House and much of the English-speaking world.

Well played, Rob Zombie. Well played.

Starting November first, bearded men in buckskins and Indians wearing loincloths will begin making public appearances to promote my book, L’homme Theroux and generate pre-release interest in Little Crow’s War, the next installment in the Coureur des Bois series.

What the hell. It worked for that other guy.




3Thank you to every one of my readers for coming back week after week. The content on this website is free to access, but does take resources to produce. Please visit my Patreon account to see what I have in the works for the homestead and consider becoming a supporter, which gets you additional content, behind the scenes access, goodies not available on the main site, and unique Thank You gifts for support.

L'homme Theroux CoverIf you’d prefer something more tangible in return for supporting my work, please preview my novel L’homme Theroux and consider purchasing it, if you enjoy the sample chapters.


Social Media Fatwas

Gallows1The power of words continues to amaze me. As a writer, really a story teller at heart, the power of certain words in the right order and context is something I should have committed to memory as triggers for violent responses by now, but I haven’t. Provoking someone into temporary insanity is not typically my intent, but it sure is fun to watch someone turn purple and see the spittle fly while talking. The urge to grab the hot-wire on an electric fence is something that has stayed with me from my youth.

Either I’m not terribly bright, some sort of masochist, or just have a need to stir up trouble. It’s quite possibly a combination of all three.

Challenging authority is about the closest I get to having fun most days. I’m not talking about slapping a cop and trying to outrun him or anything silly like that. That’s just a losing proposition all the way around.

BullyThe authorities of the world whose noses I like to tweak are the finger-wagging, self-appointed sort; the ones who enjoy issuing scolding comments such as “That’s not funny, Carlos” and the more sinister “Anonymous is watching,” followed by copying me on a snitching e-mail to the CEO of a social media platform, the Director of the FBI, and the President of the United States demanding my account be deleted and I be investigated on hate crime charges.

I shit you not. This has happened more than once.

It’s funny how people stop laughing at your jokes when you go after their favorite sacred cow.

Hell, it says “Gallows Humorist” right there in the biography blurb at the top of the page. Don’t you own a dictionary? Kittens and rainbows aren’t my style. I’m upfront about who and what I am, so if I’m not your brand of whiskey, my advice would be to find that little button that says “unfriend” and move on with life.

1cryingbabyAs a writer dependent on other people coming to read what I write, the best way in the world to hurt me is to ignore me.

By the way, if you want to see the really dark side of my sense of humor, come on over and follow me on Tsu, where I post more content than either my Facebook profile or page.

I have always liked a good fight, and punching up is the best way to get one. Otherwise, it’s just being a bully. All through school, my favorite activity in class was to ask the teacher a question I was reasonably certain he didn’t know the answer to. God help any History professor who gave a hint of knowing less about a given topic than I did. I can sense weakness, and that’s when I would pounce.

1526598_10202809029686590_400593032_nPerhaps I would have had more respect for the teaching profession and those who filled its ranks had they the stones to admit their lack of knowledge on a specific topic. Up and down the line, all the way through Graduate School, it was a rare duck willing to admit ignorance despite demanding it from the pupils. I tried pulling my crap with Hall Heffelfinger exactly once.

The older I grow, the more frequently I find myself disagreeing with his historical analysis, but to Hal’s credit, he was one of the precious few who would say, “I’m not familiar with that. Give me the five second version,” instead of telling me to shut up because I was disrupting the lesson plan.

Here’s a hint for instructors of any subject. Nobody gives a shit about your meticulously timed and robotically delivered lecture. You should be thrilled to have students who go outside the assigned reading and come prepared with curve balls to throw.

If you treat your teaching career like batting practice, don’t be surprised when some kid who takes the game seriously comes along and makes you look like the bush leaguer you are.

Speaking of bush leaguers, I have fallen out of love with Megyn Kelly of Fox News after her little spat with Donald Trump.

MegynIf you didn’t watch the Republican debate, Kelly came out swinging on Trump’s first question demanding Trump prove he was not a misogynist. In the course of a fairly pat answer, Trump ad libbed a line about Megyn Kelly not treating him very well with the nature of the question.

The last guy who should expect or complain about not getting fair treatment is Donald Trump. The circle he has operated in over the past quarter century is rife with absolute (figurative) killers who keep women like Megyn Kelly as concubines and make the politicians who shared the stage with Trump look like boy scouts. Hell, Trump owns half the politicians that were on that stage, and the other half owe him favors. Trump’s a brawler among a bunch of talkers, which goes a long way to explaining his frequent inarticulateness.

Watching Trump at the debate was like watching my grandfather when all six of his daughters came over for the holidays. The poor man couldn’t get a complete sentence out before those yammering broads descended on him.

Donald_TrumpAt least one reporter agreed with Trump and me that the question was remarkable enough to ask about it the next day. Trump pretty much said Megyn Kelly was bitchy with him because she was on her period. Honestly, I hope he’s right because the alternative is that the darling of Fox News and Conservative media is turning to the dark side by asking feminist-inspired “gotcha” questions that have no right answer. Kelly might as well have well asked, “Mr. Trump, do you still beat your wife?”

Megyn Kelly is supposed to be this hard-bitten chick who can hold her own with any man. If she can’t take the occasional punch to the ovaries, she has no business being in the ring. And in what may or may not be a terrible coincidence, Kelly is taking a couple weeks off. Whether this vacation has been planned for months, as the Fox News camp claims, it still comes off looking like Megyn Kelly had to take some time off work to brush the sand out of her vagina.

If you feminist gals want to play with the big boys, you should be prepared to take one on the chin occasionally and not run off crying to your mother.

Don’t expect to find a baby shower at a boxing match. And certainly, don’t be upset to find two men beating the Hell out of each other when you get there.

If you find what I write or post on social media to be beyond your personal taste, whether that be racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic, uncouth, or whatever is offensive today, save yourself some effort and go patronize some other content outlet you find more acceptable. Call me an “asshole” on the way out the door, if it makes you feel better.

I send a dollar to a starving child in Zimbabwe each time someone calls me a name. I’ve been promised a lion hunt, if I reach one hundred thousand. Even the smallest donation helps fill little M’kimbe’s distended belly.

There is no end of people vying for your reading attention who post positive affirmations, pictures of kittens, and say “Namaste” to each other. That and Al Gore is pretty much what built the internet. I’m sure they’d love to have you stop by after declaring you will never read my stuff again.

Don’t forget to unfollow me, unfriend me, and block me as you leave. I’d also suggest deleting me from your browser history so you never have to risk seeing my drivel again.

JihadForDummiesIf you absolutely feel the need to declare a fatwa and mount a social media jihad against me, I say “Thank you” for two reasons. First, each person you induce to come by and heap scorn upon what I create is simply another set of eyeballs to drive up the website statistics. Secondly, your friends like what I have to say more than you do and are converted to fans at a far higher rate than you imagine.

So, please, let the hatred flow through you and onto me.

Unlike Megyn Kelly and the humorless “Namaste Mafia” faction of Liberals (and believe me, they are Liberals whether they realize it or not), I can take a punch to the face pretty well.

Pick the Right Victim for Excusable Hate Crimes

2ConfederateFlagLast week’s headline blared “Men videotaped placing Confederate flag on church doorstep.” Two unknown men were captured on surveillance video placing a Confederate flag on the doorstep of Ebenezer Baptist Church, at one time headed by Martin Luther King, in Atlanta, Georgia. From the size of the font used, the story placement on the front page, and the number of exclamation points at the end, this surely had to be the most important news story of my lifetime, and quite possibly since the crucifixion of Jesus.

For perspective, the New York Times only used three exclamation points in its headline the day we declared war on Germany for bombing Pearl Harbor.

I devoured what was surely the most important piece of news that day desirous of details. The flag must have been accompanied by a burning cross and racist graffiti all over the place. Perhaps there was a black man hung in effigy in a nearby tree. These hardened criminal racists surely left a trail of black orphans and raped black women in their wake both to and from the scene of the crime. I absolutely had to know the details of what my black brothers and sisters were suffering at the hands of the Confederate bigots.

1ConfederatFlagThere was none of that shit going on according to the news article. Judging by the photo that accompanied the article, the Confederate battle flag in question was about the size of a cafeteria tray place-mat, and made of the same sort of paper. It struck me as no more a flag, in the conventional sense, than the tablecloth and napkins printed with the American flag at Independence Day celebrations all around the country last month. Come to think of it, this “flag” may very well have been leftover decorations.

The flag hadn’t even been set on fire, which much like burning a cross is counter-intuitive at first blush, but gets the point across.

The writer of the article was ecstatic that the act of vandalism had been captured on videotape.

Wait a second. Vandalism? There was no property damaged, which the last time I checked was an element of the crime. If this was vandalism, I should be able to arrest Jehovah’s Witnesses when they leave a copy of Watchtower at my front door.

3ConfederateFlagBut since Atlanta proper is a modern-day Democrat plantation, the Liberals that run the place simply won’t tolerate anything that threatens their source of power; a compliant populace willing to hand over their freedoms and children’s’ futures in the form of votes in order to suckle at the teat of government largess.

Atlanta authorities are scouring every law library within reach of the Find Law website and consulting with any Prosecutor who will answer the phone for a law that can be charged. They’re pretty confident they will either find one or be able to conjure a law out of the air because the police are actively looking for these guys.

Think about that for a second. Police are using up resources hunting down two men for something they are not even sure is a crime.

What’s the radio call going to sound like when they find these guys? “I’m on a vehicle stop of two white males for Driving While Confederate”? Where is the ACLU when you need them?

BigDaddyNot only are the Atlanta Police burning through public money on a politically motivated witch-hunt to trump up charges, they have reached out to Big Daddy, the Federal Plantation owner, for help. Every federal agency, with the possible exception of the Environmental Protection Agency, is beating their lawyers with sticks to find something (anything) chargeable in this caper.

If the authorities had been so lucky as to have the two suspects set the flag on fire, maybe the EPA could have gotten involved on a pollution beef. Because we all know that every campfire, insurance fraud torch job and lighter struck to smoke a cigarette is a thinly veiled reference to a lynched Negro set aflame.

Isn’t that the way it works, now?

Short of confessions coerced out of the two “vandals” with threats of unconstitutionally long stints in pound-you-in-the-ass prison surrounded by a population with a decidedly negative view of the Confederate flag and one of them turning snitch on the other to save himself the worst of the situation for committing the same act Domino’s Pizza perpetrates against me twice a week by hanging unwanted coupons on my screen door, I don’t see a whole lot of charges, much less solid convictions, coming out of this fiasco.

At absolute worst, these two committed vandalism, but you can rest assured this will somehow become a federal case because Georgia does not have hate crime laws.

images (61)Meanwhile, real hate crimes with real victims continue to go uninvestigated and unprosecuted because defacing a public monument, grave desecration, theft, home invasion, and attempted murder are perfectly acceptable, and encouraged, forms of social protest that are constitutionally protected speech. Assuming the perpetrator selects an acceptable victim.

Confederate-Flag-Vandalism-Were the authorities unbiased, honest with themselves, and actual persons of conscience, they would publicly admit the worst crimes chargeable in this situation are littering and possibly trespass, which is arguable since the Memories Pizza incident, several instances of Christians forced to bake gay wedding cakes, and a Supreme Court seemingly intent on compelling churches to marry whomsoever presents themselves have taught us anything, churches are essentially public accommodations, on par with restaurants and motels, that lack the standing to refuse service to anyone.

Who could really use some sanctuary from persecution and hate crimes is Walter Palmer, the Minnesota dentist who shot Cecil the Lion.

141202150915-lion-exlarge-169This poor bastard, regardless of the legality of his hunt, has been subjected to harassment and death threats largely by people too cultured and refined to kill an animal themselves, and who most certainly don’t live in Zimbabwe.

Dr. Palmer is about as popular as Al Sharpton at a Merle Haggard concert in his hometown. In addition to flower festooned and stuffed lion appointed memorials left in front of his dental office, he has been the recipient of death threats, had the business he built over decades virtually destroyed, and has had celebrities tweet his home address, presumably with the intent of encouraging further harassment of him and his family. I’m still waiting for someone to put forward any other possible explanation for Mia Farrow doing this.

Cecil and cubsBetween stuffed lions, flowers, and disparaging signs left in front of Walter Palmer’s dental office, isn’t there something in there that Minnesota officials can base a hate crime prosecution on? Or how about Florida cops doing their jobs and tracking down whoever spray painted “Lion Killer” on the garage door of Dr. Palmer’s vacation home and scattered severed pigs feet on the driveway?

So, let me see if I have this straight. White men littering in front of a black church equals hate crime. Unpopular white man is harassed into hiding for fear of his and his family’s life equals rich, white Liberals like Mia Farrow, and her public supporter Bob Barker, materially contributing to and encouraging people to carry out publically proclaimed death threats.

Roger that. And I’m the nutty one for believing in Open Carry.

MiaDoes anyone besides me see the hypocrisy this cunt embodies? Just like the only slightly less cunty, overly sensitive, race baiters pushing for hate crime prosecution in the Ebenezer Church Confederate flag litter caper, Mia Farrow would have every cop on the planet involved in the manhunt, if someone published her home address.

Celebrities have a well-founded desire to protect their sensitive and personally identifiable information; just like you, me, and Eddie the Garbage Man. The difference between us and the celebrities is they sought out their notoriety by the nature of the career they pursued. I doubt Walter Palmer became a dentist for fame and public adulation. Most days, the last person I want to see is my dentist. It’s not a career choice for attention seekers.

3PalmerOfficeMy wild-ass theory is the vitriol directed at Dr. Palmer has absolutely nothing to do with Cecil the Lion’s death. Much like the Democrat Party and Liberals’ dismissal of Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy and their hatred of anyone or anything Confederate, the abuse to which Dr. Palmer has been subjected is the result of class hatred.

The reported cost of the hunt that included killing Cecil the Lion was $55,000. Even if that included air travel, lodging, local transportation, etc, it was one pricey hunting trip. Far in excess of the prices I have seen advertised in the backs of hunting magazines and well beyond the check writing ability of this particular Portagee.

I don’t know what sort of man Dr. Palmer is, but what I do know is that he has some financial wherewithal. I’m sure dental school wasn’t cheap. And even if mom and dad footed that bill for him, establishing and maintaining a successful dental practice is no small feat.

4PalmerOfficeI’ve known three doctors and two dentists socially in my life. To a man, they have the same complaints as any entrepreneur; hellacious hours, disproportionate risk compared to being an employee, onerous government regulation, under-skilled/unmotivated/self-entitled employees, and crippling insurance costs.

You would be absolutely astounded at just how little money the average doctor in private practice takes home after paying crushing student loans, exorbitant malpractice insurance, and the costs associated with the actual practice of his profession.

One of the dentists, who was literally old enough to be and is now equally as dead as my grandfather, commented that the only reason he still practiced was he loved the actual work of dentistry. Otherwise, he would have folded up shop a decade ago.

One of the doctors commented he would have been better off as a welder. He’s still alive and practicing, as far as I know, but he might have wised up and taken night courses in metallurgy at the local community college. Thanks for destroying our healthcare system further, Obamacare.

If Walter Palmer has the price of a Ford F-350 King Ranch laying around to drop on an African hunting trip, he’s doing something right because I sure as Hell don’t.

And that fact absolutely infuriates many of those who don’t have that kind of coin jingling in their pocket. Plenty of celebrities, politicians, and other successful folks piling onto Dr. Palmer have the bank account to engage in an African hunt, so when I “class,” I’m not really talking about money. What I’m talking about is a political class.

2PalmerOfficeThe most vocal critics of Walter Palmer are the same sorts who fail to understand the essence of tolerance as putting up with something you dislike or disapprove of. Rather, these hypocrites see tolerance as a one-way street leading directly to all the things they like while at the same time criminalizing things they disapprove of. Liberals are the worst offenders, but Conservatives, Republicans, Independents, and even Libertarians have their share of adherents who would gladly engage in some forms of rights limiting in the name of the greater good.

Everyone kinkier than I am is perverted.

Everyone is their own standard for what is right and morally acceptable. Perhaps I need a wider circle of friends, but I’m the only person I know willing to admit to being a nut job. Hell, even Alex Jones thinks he is the absolute definition of normal and reasonable.

1PlamerOfficeThe problem comes when a society begins to let the abnormal dictate what is normal. For example, I would be a terrible choice for any elected office. The dystopian nightmare Liberals howl about at every opportunity would be thenceforth known to them as “before Carlos really got going.”

Imagine if Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin had a bastard child that was raised by Korean Catholic nuns, trophy hunted the African Big Five, and rode an unvaccinated grizzly bear around while wearing a Confederate battle flag as a cape.

That’s the kind of guy you’d get by scribbling my name into the write-in portion of your ballot.

Little NikkiWe have elevated the whiners and the crybabies of American society into politically powerful positions where they can exact revenge for being tossed into trashcans or pushed into lockers during middle school. Since I was neither a bully nor bullied in school, why must I wear the punitive yoke foisted by conniving, power-drunk weaklings who should be working through their issues with therapists rather than entering government service?

Nikki Haley, I am looking directly at you for your comments about your hurt feelings regarding turbans, saris, and being brown. Perhaps you should have held off on seeking public office in favor of assimilating into your new culture.

A big part of the return-to-high-school mentality has not only been the pussification of America, but the outright hatred that is acceptable to be piled onto those who do not want to drink the Estrogen Kool Aid. It’s something straight out of the movie Mean Girls.

There are actually people who advocate Walter Palmer be punished to the extent of losing his business, his home, his ability to make a living, and even be tortured to death. All for killing a lion virtually no one outside of Zimbabwe knew existed prior to last week.

These same sort people in power, who also largely don’t know the difference between the Confederate battle and national flags, are also willing to allow true hate crimes against an unpopular minority to go uninvestigated and unprosecuted.

images (62)If you are part of a popular and vocal minority, such as blacks, LGBT, Latinos, illegal immigrants, etc, you can rest assured the slightest of perceived transgressions will have the full weight of the local, state, and federal government brought to bear, and those who sullied your honor will punished to extents and in ways that render the Constitution meaningless. Assuming you spout the Liberal party line, deliver your vote, and think the way you’re told to think.

The rest y’all just shit outta luck.

Hashtags are the Devil

What do Michael Brown, Walter Scott, and Dylann Roof have in common? Wildly popular hashtags.

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I’ve whined before that social media might be the death of my novel, L’homme Theroux (due for reissue soon and much improved with lessons learned), but the same social media that is a wonder of communication and dissemination of cat photos has shown its dark side again.

Like a good Bowie knife, social media has a wickedly sharp top edge that will catch the unaware. I’ve managed to build my readership to a whopping fourteen fans, not counting relatives, via social media from an exceedingly remote location. As recently as ten years ago, this would have been an gargantuan task, and it was not even a remote possibility back when I first started writing for my middle school newsletter.

Now, through the magic of the internet, the entire world can nitpick my spelling, second-guess my word choice, and assume my education is lacking because I consider the rules of grammar to be really more suggestions; just like speed limits, “Firearms Prohibited” signs, and Blood Alcohol Content readings.

The dangerous part of social media, aside from its tendency to destroy deadlines and make time disappear faster than birthday cake at Melissa McCarthy’s house, is its ability to influence human behavior.

The whole Arab Spring, which historians will look back on one hundred years from now as trading one set of maniacal assholes for an even crazier set which accomplished nothing of substance or lasting improvement, was created and driven largely by amateur journalists who were boots on the ground doing jobs Americans wouldn’t do.

brian-williams-memeIt used to be that war correspondents needed the backing of a large news organization if they wanted to lie about being shot at in a helicopter. Or you had to be First Lady. Take your pick.

Now, anybody with an iPhone and a satellite signal can capture video, add their personal bias, and disseminate it to literally every person in the world in a matter of minutes. This is unprecedented. There are people who live in mud huts, wouldn’t know a commode if you showed them one, and still believe Elvis is alive, but damn it, they’ve seen the latest ISIS beheading video on Youtube.

These same people also practice slavery, believe in child marriage, and fuck their livestock, but they are just misunderstood. You’re a racist, if you disagree. White privilege!

On a side note, I’ve come to the realization that the charge of “white privilege,” which is the second most common Liberal mating call after any protest chant containing the word “Bush,” is really verbal shorthand for “I feel massively guilty for knowing my father and having the ability to say, ‘Thanks for the warning, Officer.'”

With a cellphone and a willingness to have your head split open, potentially no event can go unmemorialized. Every poorly chosen word and flare of temper can be taken out of context, microscopically analyzed, slanted, and repeated over and over until it becomes the popular narrative. From there, it becomes fact with which to manipulate.

images (24)Those too lazy to work, but ambitious enough to steal, are induced to riot. Those too apathetic to offer substantive assistance, but concerned enough to click a “like” button, make buffoons of themselves with gestures for actions that are provably false. Those too occupied wallowing in their victimhood, but sensing a long awaited opportunity to wreck revenge for the sins of the great-great-grandfather, terrorize the innocent and destroy their property.

images (27)When Trayvon Martin was killed, President Obama nearly cried and declared “this could have been my son.” He promised to ensure that “justice is done” when Michael Brown was shot. Freddie Gray was cause for soul searching, according to the President. The Walter Scott shooting was immediately elevated to a Federal case for the eventuality of Michael Slager being cleared and…well, because he’s a white cop who shot a black, fleeing felon which is the very definition of racism to Liberals.

burningPresident Obama even shed crocodile tears at the press conference for victims of the Mother Emanuel Church massacred by Dylann Roof and whined like a spoiled teenager that if Sandy Hook would not induce Americans to freely surrender their God-given rights, he just…like…Oh, my gosh, didn’t know what it was going to take.

The President’s refusal to prosecute the (legally speaking) minor crimes of petty theft and vandalism directed at Confederate flags and their owners as the hate crimes they are proves that not only is justice not blind, but that it sees in Technicolor.

If I tweeted a photo of me wiping my ass with the Gay Pride flag, the duration of my continued freedom would be measured in minutes.

images (62)You know who definitely isn’t free to walk the earth right now? Kathryn Steinle.

Kathryn Steinle was allegedly shot and killed by an allegedly illegal Mexican immigrant allegedly released by alleged Federal agents allegedly ignoring an alleged request to detain from another jurisdiction…Allegedly.

Obama’s. Silence. Is. Deafening.

Feel free to leave your theory as to why in the comment section below. If you’re not too mean to me, I’ll hook you up with a fee electronic copy of my novel, L’homme Theroux.

On average, I’ve been called a racist about every two and a half hours over the past month. I suspect I’m doing something right. Not so much because I enjoy having venom spat at me (even though it’s kinda tasty in sweet tea), but because I’m a bit of a sadist. Watching smug Liberals come positively unglued is both entertainment and a piece of performance art I get to experience for free.

no-flagging-challengeThe second edge of the social media sword is the phenomenon of #noflagginchallenge where morally outraged petty criminals put on their best tough-guy swagger for the camera and steal a Confederate battle flag, often having violated private property boundaries to add to the machismo.

Please do not call me to jury duty when one of these brave, young foot soldiers for social justice picks the wrong redneck to fuck with. There will literally be no way a prosecutor can prove that case to me.

I’m not such a wild-eyed nut job that I lack an understanding of the need to prioritize. Foiling terrorist plots and prosecution of murders certainly take precedence over theft of what is in essence a piece of cloth or some paint on a chunk of stone.

Though important symbols they may be, you will not find me leaving cover to retrieve a fallen flag under fire. Call me a coward, if you like, but life is precious and not to be risked for a piece of kit.

The men on both sides of the War of Northern Aggression who picked up fallen standards, knowing full well it was a probable death sentence, did so not because of what the flag meant so much, but for its function. The Napoleonic tactics of the time required a visual reference for effective Command and Control.

00000001Any highly visible object would have sufficed, but since armies already have flags and nobody in his right mind wants to hump around more gear than necessary, the flag makes sense. A fallen flag quite literally meant disarray and staggering loss of additional life, which was the reason for adding the red stripe to the third iteration of the Confederate national flag. To intentionally misquote from George C Scott in the movie Patton, “war isn’t about dying for your flag. It’s about making some other poor, dumb bastard die for his.”

Relatively low priority fails to explain the lack of Federal interest in prosecuting grave marker vandalism. Change the situation to swastikas or SS-lightning bolts spray painted on Jewish graves, or any surface for that matter, and the Federal government swoops down on the scene telling the local cops to get out of their way.

The obvious answer is “Confederate” is not a protected minority. My response is, “Why not?” With the possible exception of Indians (The casino type; not the call center ones), there are fewer Confederates than any of the recognized minorities. Even if you add in all the “neo-Confederates” (because Liberals’ standard operating procedure is to denigrate and shame individuals with whom they disagree by appending the modifier “neo,” as if it has a specific meaning), the total still isn’t very high. You would think that meets the definition of a minority.

download (23)I guess the question of whether all things Confederate are worthy of special legal protection boils down to the perceived voting block that can be delivered. Gays take time from doing their gay stuff to vote. As evidenced by every Obama election, blacks vote when he tells them to. Mexicans like to vote so much that even the illegal ones line up around the block.

6a00d83451bedb69e200e553c627778834-320wiHowever, dead Confederates have no votes to deliver, so they are out of luck. It falls to the living Confederates, and the right-thinking individuals who may disagree, but understand the true nature of liberty and tolerance, to send the exceedingly clear message to politicians that they will pay dearly for their shenanigans by being drummed from office at the first opportunity and refused an elected position ever again.

Nikki Haley, the Governor of South Carolina and Indian RINO, is desperate to hitch her vice-presidential wagon to whichever Republican she reckons has the best chance of defeating Hillary Clinton.

Little NikkiWhile kissing the ass of the N-double A-C-P, she showed herself to be a sleeper agent for Liberals by justifying removal of the Confederate flag from the memorial outside the South Carolina statehouse by recounting how badly her delicate little feelings were hurt and her self-esteem irreparably damaged because of what she perceived as…

Well, I don’t know what it was.

In her rambling retelling of the maltreatment of her parents, Little Nikki the Emotionally Damaged was short on specifics and long on emotions. Her narrative reads like a bad E.E. Cummings impression; lacking punctuation, capitalization, and making very little sense. If her resume is anything like the interview I read, there is nothing more than her name and keywords in the hope of triggering the software so she gets the interview.

From what I can piece together of Nikki’s tearful recounting, her parents are Indians (the Sikh kind; not casino). Mom wore a sari, and Dad a turban.

Imaginary or real mistreatment or suspicions or cross-ways looks (she isn’t terribly clear on the exact nature of the bigotry and discrimination she claims to have witnessed and experienced), Nikki is nursing a grudge she has used as a cudgel to exact revenge.

All right, Sugar Tits. If you want to play that game, I’ll be your huckleberry. Here’s my plan.

Even if you still haven’t had your civil rights restored after that last felony conviction, contact each of the one hundred thirty six Republican candidates for President and communicate to him politely and firmly that taking on Nikki Haley as VP or in any other capacity will guarantee his loss of your vote not only this election cycle, but any election he undertakes in the future.

I know this makes you a single-issue voter. It’s a placard I’ve worn for years, usually in regards to Second Amendment issues, but don’t let the term frighten you. It’s a moniker thrown out by assholes who think they are smarter than everyone else in an attempt to shame the passionate into being just as wishy-washy as they are.

images (63)How about we think of it as politically focused, instead? A voter who doesn’t dither or equivocate, but will jab his pike in the ground and declare, “No further.”

On the state and local level, Governor of Alabama Robert Bentley and Memphis Mayor AC Wharton will be on the receiving end of these sorts of missives, as well. The damage has already been done by these two, but imagine the terror to be struck in their hearts by a substantial chunk of their constituency saying their political careers are effectively over for their actions.

Politicians assign weights to communications they receive. They figure each e-mail, letter, and phone call they get represents a certain number of people who feel the same way and a certain number of votes to be won or lost. What a wonderful way to punch far above your weight class since they assume each person speaking up represents a whole bunch who are not sounding off.

Remind these petty tyrants that we are not to be disregarded between election days.

330Politicians are like zombies. They march toward noise, so make a racket that is impossible to ignore. Liberals understood zombie behavior a hundred years ago and have used it to shove all manner of bad ideas down our collective throat for no better reason than they want to see us perish from this earth.

It’s a distasteful game most are loathe to play for fear of sinking into the same moral rudderlessness as Liberals. We need to overcome this aversion. There is no way to wrestle a pig without getting some shit on you.

So, decide whether it is more important to you to win or fight fair.

Barbarians at the Gates

1BarbarianThe Confederate flag controversy has inspired a new form of bullying; vandalizing graves and monuments. Vandalism is nothing new in the world, and neither is bullying. One of the dozens of Barbarian tribes that wore the Roman Empire down to a memory of better times for people in the Dark Ages was a tribe known as the Vandals.

They were one of an even smaller group of Barbarian horde to breach the gates of the City of Seven Hills. The Vandals so thoroughly and methodically sacked Rome in 455 AD that the empire literally never recovered.

A couple centuries previous, Rome had divided into an Eastern and Western Empire to make managing them easier, but the golden age of the Roman Empire had already passed, and she was in decline.

The Western Empire had kept the right to the name “Rome” for their empire, and I’m sure the newly christened Byzantine Empire was just as glad to be rid of the name, the ruined infrastructure, and the barbarians running around all over the place at will.

The Western Empire was a mess. Lost territories, border incursions, and raids on cities sent the once mighty Roman Empire on a downhill trajectory to annihilation. After the Second Sack of Rome in 455 AD, the old girl tried to hold it together, but much like the Holy Roman Empire four centuries later, the words in the title were no longer true.

The Vandals performed such a thorough pillaging and defacement of the capitol city that their name has come down through several languages as a synonym for property damage.

2barbariansThink about the cultural impact of that for a moment; a proper noun becomes a verb. Google is the search engine company, but we google information. Bogart was an actor, but someone can bogart the weed. I can only hope that in centuries to come cunha the Scotch means to quaff it down in four-finger-tall servings and then pee in the potted plants.

Not only were the Vandals murders and thieves, they were bullies of the first order. Like any organized crime gang, Vandals (or take your pick of any other barbarian bully) would show up at a city with more resources than ability to fend off attack and demand payment in exchange for not running riot through the city. For those who refuse to read a history book, an excellent example of the technique is part of the plot-line near the end of season three of The History Channel’s Vikings series.

Is any of this terribly different from a kid having his lunch money taken by a bigger kid who threatens him?

It’s all extraction of value by use of force, or at least, the threat of it. Law Enforcement types call it “Strong-Arm Robbery,” criminal organizations call it “street tax,” and the government calls it simply “taxes.”

I’m sure the government prefers as efficient a term as possible to spend less time explaining them and more time collecting them.

Learned HandWhile I would never evade taxes or encourage anyone else to do so, no less an authority than the Honorable Learned Hand wrote in a 1947 court opinion, “there is nothing sinister in so arranging one’s affairs as to keep taxes as low as possible.”

That statement cuts both ways. An above-the-line reduction of personal income by contributing to your 401(k) is no different from a C-corporation retaining earnings to defer tax on dividends (When you consider the tax rate on Retained Earnings, this makes no sense, but just go with the example).

The most widely cited lower-court judge by the Supreme Court set the precedent that every tax payer is at liberty to minimize his tax burden by structuring his financial affairs in the most advantageous manner allowed by the law. So, if you’re the sort that resents a particular group for all the “tax breaks” they receive, my advice is to either change the tax code or join the group getting all the goodies you covet.

However, be careful what you wish for. In the Horatio Alger story of my life, the shifts in social standing from “Poor White Trash” through “White Trash” and on to “middle-class” were each accompanied by a rise in the amount of my family’s income I have to fork over to the various levels of government. Low taxation is one of the reasons people move to the South.

Unfortunately, these invading barbarians often bring their peculiar institutions with them. Instead of abandoning their nasty Yankee ways upon establishing residence, these degenerates set about converting the community into which they’ve settled into a duplicate of the cesspit they just escaped.

Why would someone move into the Bayou only to complain about the alligators and demand the neighbors help drain the swamp? If you didn’t understand what it was like to live there, you’re the one that needs to either change or leave.

d648114c0df835510b9ba58299962038The same goes for moving to the South. Down here, most everyone is into guns, the Confederate flags, and Jesus; not necessarily in that order. We also like fried food, hunting, sweet tea, and dipping Copenhagen. If you’re not, we’ll pray for you, but we have so little in common that it would just be awkward for us to socialize. It’s probably best if y’all just stayed up North.

Apart from the friendliest people in the world, low taxes, great weather, physical embodiment of the American work ethic, and love of person freedoms, the South really doesn’t have much to offer.

Please keep livin’ where y’all are livin’. We’re gettin’ crowded. I can see my neighbor’s house on a clear day.

For you carpetbaggers who insist on defiling Southern soil, you will find a small, but vocal population of scalawags willing to make common cause. Lately, they can be found taking selfies while disrespecting Confederate flags, desecrating monuments to anything or anyone Confederate, or taking it upon themselves to speak for the entire black population despite being as white as a Magnolia bloom.

My sample size is likely skewed and definitely small, but I have yet to meet a black born in the North who moved to the South and demanded fundamental changes in the culture. That seems to be strictly a guilty, white Liberal thing to do.

download (27)The latest fad of the socially conscious is committing acts of theft and/or vandalism direct at anything Confederate. Bree Newsome, the woman who climbed the flagpole at the South Carolina statehouse and tore down the Confederate battle flag, while arguably a legitimate act of civil disobedience that would never be tolerated by the “tolerance for all” crowd had the flag in question been rainbow colored, was arrested for defacing a monument. The charge will not see a courtroom, more than likely.

I won’t create a convoluted, apples-to-oranges comparison by asking what sort of public hue and cry would have been created had the flag flying over the South Carolina statehouse been one of the multitude LGBT flags. It would be an unfair comparison, since I don’t know of any public buildings flying a Rainbow flag. At least, not yet. It is not too far off in the future.

8244668_GInstead, please direct your attention to some modern day barbarians. More than the Vandals who sacked Rome, the carpetbaggers invading the South are not content with hijacking the culture and appropriating its resources. They are intent on obliterating Southern history.

I don’t claim to know their plan, but the steps are clear when taken. The wave of outright vandalism masquerading as political protest is appalling. Spray painting of slogans, splattering with red pain, and physical damage to Confederate monuments has spread beyond the boundaries of the Old Confederacy into states that were members of the Republic during the War of Northern Aggression, and to some that weren’t even states during the conflict.

againThe Confederate memorial statue at The Battery in Charleston, South Carolina was vandalized for a second time a couple of days ago with the words, “The cause for which they fought the cause of slavery was wrong” on the front of the pedestal and “Take down this racist statue” on the back side.

If the words sound familiar, it is because they are directly from President Obama’s eulogy of Reverend Clementa Pinckney, who died in the Charleston church shooting.

The man spotted defacing the monument was described by a witness as a tall, slender white male with dark hair in his late 20’s to mid-30’s wearing a black T-shirt, black ball cap, and gold-rimmed glasses. He was not captured. I guess he decided to put that White Privilege for which he feels so much guilt to some good use.

Maybe he hasn’t figured it out, but committing a crime as an act of defiance against “The Man” isn’t very daring when your likelihood of punishment is pretty close to zero. It makes you a putz.

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The loan wolf, or possibly small unit, acts of monument vandalism are justified by the public nature of them. The victim is technically a faceless government or civic entity, and therefor a legitimate target in the eyes of the miscreants. They are wrong, but that is their thinking. Otherwise, these are attacks directed at the individuals the monuments honor and are a far more personal vendetta.

images (56)These are clearly terrorist acts designed to act as force multipliers. If bleeding the citizenry financially dry by continually removing graffiti and repairing damage does not induce their removal, these modern day Vandals make it seem as if they are everywhere and somehow a political force to be reckoned with instead of the tiny group of malcontent cowards they are.

However, politicians, being the fundamentally stupid, attention-seeking jellyfish they are, will see an opportunity to whore themselves for votes for the next election. Wait until these politicians discover the fickle nature of their new friends and the long memories of their current constituents whom they have betrayed.

The true depth of hatred and personal grudge is displayed by the several incidents of grave vandalism of late.

vandal16If removal of the bodies of Nathan Bedford Forrest and his wife from their grave in the Memphis, Tennessee park formerly called “Nathan Bedford Forrest Memorial Park” is simply a recognition of changing times, the knocked-over headstones of Confederate veterans around the country are nothing less than desecration, and in a few instances, outright grave robbery that has gone largely unpunished.

vandal19These are simply crimes that no one in the government is willing to prosecute. Whether they suspect the inability to find a jury willing to convict, are fearful of losing their jobs through recall or defeat in the next election, or are personally sympathetic to the cause, no prosecutions, much less convictions or punishment, will result from anyone who decides to topple a grave marker as long as it sits atop a dead Confederate.

Try defacing the grave of Rosa Parks or Martin Luther King. For that matter, try simply not genuflecting at these shrines, and you will be in the bowels of the nearest jail with the sodomites faster than my rabbits can breed.

vandal17The only remedy available to the descendants of those resting eternally in the vandalized Confederate graves is to scrub off the hatred and re-erect the markers at their personal expense. There will be no marches. There will be no GoFundMe campaigns. Neither Jesse Jackson nor Al Sharpton will lobby on their behalf.

The scalawags and carpetbaggers are waging a campaign of genocide against the culture of the South. They have already largely rewritten the history. Now, they are intent on driving it underground with the goal of eventual destruction.

It will come piecemeal, the same way Liberals have destroyed much of the Second Amendment.

images (61)Ask any Jew, Armenian, or escapee from Communism what the eventual fate is of disliked minorities who refuse to stand up for themselves while the vocal, hateful invaders scream slogans and commit virtually government-sanctioned hate crimes against them.

The acts of property damage have begun to migrate from the public sphere into the private. Homeowners displaying Confederate flags in their yards and on their homes have begun to find the flags themselves intentionally damaged (or outright missing) and other outside property painted with graffiti.

Confederate-Flag-Vandalism-Had “kike” been spray painted on that boat instead of “racist,” the Federal Government would be involved finding and prosecuting whomever committed the act. Yet, they sit on their hands when it is an acceptable victim.

The Barbarians have breached the gates and have begun to loot while the Patricians continue their orgies.

Monkey See. Monkey Do.

Vandalism, property damage, beatings, and grave desecration are the fallout of the Mother Emanuel shooting. If the popular media narrative is to be believed, all sorts of public mayhem has been inflicted on society by unruly mobs of inbred, tobacco chewing, marginally literate, nigger-hating, Confederate flag wavers bent on restoring slavery and re-instituting Jim Crow.

“Oh, my God, Becky. I’ll bet they have guns.”

1paradeNo kidding, Sugar Britches? You made that leap all by yourself? Why wouldn’t someone who believes in all of the amendments to the Constitution be armed? The thought you should really ponder is why you’re not, if we rednecks are so dangerous.

The bigotry lies with the accuser, and the Confederate battle flag is simply a mirror in which they refuse to see their reflection.

The assumption that someone who venerates any of the various flags flown by the Confederate States of America is a racist really is no less virulent a form of prejudice. That is unless flags have a commonly accepted meaning, but who gets to define the meaning of a flag becomes problematic. Does the creator, the bearer, or the viewer hold the responsibility and the power?

1generalleeBased on the reaction of pulling merchandise with a Confederate flag from their offerings, retailers such as Walmart, Amazon, and E-Bay clearly feel the common meaning is defined by the viewer of the flag. These were actions by merchants who looked at their bottom lines and calculated they were better off financially removing the items.

My first day of business school, the instructor told us, “You’re only responsibility on a Board of Directors is to maximize shareholder value. Everything you do is with that goal in mind.”

WalmartIt was a bitter pill to swallow for my socially conscious classmates who desperately desired the best interests of any given company to always coincide with those of society’s downtrodden and the polar bears who apparently aren’t smart enough to start walking north when they notice the ice is getting to thin too walk on.

Life is full of bitter pills to swallow. Interestingly enough, when I last checked, all three retailers still offered vast amounts of Nazi paraphernalia, Atzlan apparel, and ISIS flags. But God forbid I want to buy a toy 1969 Dodge Charger with a Confederate battle flag painted on the roof. That irreparably damages race relations.

AirhornLuckily, JC Whitney still sells an air horn that plays the first dozen notes of “Dixie.” So, the cable networks can take “Dukes of Hazzard” out of the re-run lineup all they want because I say, “it’s game on, motherfuckers.”

I’m gonna get me one of those horns and put that bitch into a Prius. Then when Liberals come over to congratulate me on my environmentally responsible choice of vehicle and they’ve let their guard down, I’ll let the sweet sound of Hell-raising defiance fly like the Wicked Witch of the West’s monkeys.

Exactly how a television show that went off the air thirty years ago is more dangerous than the Saracen who wants to publicly behead us all today simply baffles me.

Whether Confederate flags should fly over government buildings leaves me conflicted. They were originally erected by Dixiecrat politicians in defiance of attempts to integrate the South. These politicians were throwbacks to Democrats of the Reconstruction Era who introduced segregation, poll taxes, and gun control in the South to disenfranchise the newly freed blacks.

At what point am I able to claim as tradition something that occurred before my parents were born and before my grandparents were even Americans?

The sense of defiance and fighting spirit that put those flags on government buildings all over the South has eclipsed the racism that originally went along with them up the flag poles.

roofThere are a few sad bigots, such as the Ku Klux Klan and Dylann Roof, who bandy the Confederate flag with racism in their hearts, but they are few and far between, unless you listen to the race-baiting, political agitators who literally hate the United States and actively pursue its destruction.

The Confederate flag is not the only symbol these psychopaths hijack. A photo not widely circulate depicts Dylann Rood burning an American flag. I’m not the smartest knife in the drawer, but I suspect he hated the United States, too.

My gut tells me Dylann Roof didn’t like much of anything or anybody that wasn’t exactly like him. He would make an excellent Liberal.

 Context is key

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Where I am clear that a Confederate flag should fly is over monuments and graves of Confederates. No man is a single thing over the course of his life. Some events are more prominent than the rest, and the rest balance out the prominent for better or worse.

NBFNathan Bedford Forrest is interred in a public park in Memphis, Tennessee along with his wife in a monument to General Forrest. Considering he made part of his living as a slave trader before the War of Northern Aggression, it’s safe to say General Forrest was a proponent of slavery.

However, this is where life becomes complicated, and Liberals cannot stand a complicated narrative. Hell, go over 140 characters and Liberals don’t know how they should think or feel.

General Forrest enlisted forty-five of his slaves into the company of volunteers he raised with the promise of their freedom after the war regardless of its outcome.

These weren’t just servants and footmen. We are talking fully armed and kitted soldiers with untold opportunities to escape, kill the General, or both. General Forrest essentially gave these men their freedom the day they enlisted. Compare that to Generals Grant and Sherman who retained their slaves in absolute bondage until enactment of the Thirteenth Amendment forced their hands.

General Forrest was also a city father of Memphis who did yeoman’s duty rebuilding the city.

BirthHistorians debate whether he was founder, a founding member, or simply an early member of the Ku Klux Klan, but the surviving evidence is reasonably conclusive that he resigned from and disavowed the organization when it turned violent.

Shouldn’t Nathan Bedford Forrest be lauded for freeing his slaves voluntarily, rebuilding a city virtually annihilated by war, and condemning an organization he viewed as destructive to an entire category of people?

All men are bundles of contradictions. Any of us can be vilified for some of our actions and lionized for others.

BenedictIn the scant few years General Benedict Arnold was an American, he displayed magnificent leadership skills culminating in his victory at the Battle of Saratoga in upstate New York. George Washington thought of the younger man as a son, and subsequent generations of Yankees held Arnold in high enough regard to erect a monument to the battle, and presumably the man who led the victorious forces.

Ultimately, Benedict Arnold betrayed George Washington and the fledgling nation by engaging in espionage for the British.

Bundles of contradictions.

The men erecting the monument to Benedict Arnold struggled with these conflicting actions when deciding on the design of the monument. In the end, the monument bears a likeness of General Arnold’s knee-high booted leg, where he received a bullet would during the battle, as a way to weasel out of possible public opprobrium at erecting a monument with the likeness of the man whose name because a synonym for traitor and betrayal.

BootI am not suggesting we sweep unpopular facts and unsavory actions under the historical rug. Liberals have done enough such obfuscation pretending Franklin Roosevelt was not a socialist dictator, Lyndon Johnson was not a racist, and Bill Clinton is not a rapist.

And yet they persist in the belief that a lie repeated loud enough and long enough will take hold in the popular imagination to eventually become the truth.

There is a method to the Liberal madness, most recently enacted against Memories Pizza:

  1. Force a contrived confrontation with an unsuspecting, and preferably weak, victim.
  2. Gin up social unrest over the perceived slight.
  3. Convince your useful idiots they are homophobes, racists, sexists, or uncool for agreeing with the target.
  4. Seek redress through sympathetic courts.
  5. Ruin lives and livelihoods in the name of equality, fairness, and self-esteem.

The same pattern is being followed for the Confederate flag and every person, both white and black, who carries her. Attempts at public humiliation and verbal abuse are not the only indignities suffered by Confederate flag wavers.

The latest social activity engaged in by the politically aware is vandalism of Confederate monuments and desecration of Confederate graves.

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Over the past week, a spate of vandalism targeting Confederate monuments has received only slightly more news coverage than the Pacific Trade Agreement passed by Congress. Whether another NAFTA-esque trade agreement that undermines US sovereignty and impedes our ability to determine our fate as a nation is more or less news worthy than the courage and sacrifice to a lost cause of 300,000 men and boys can remain a matter for debate.

What is not up for debate is the sheer hatred and disrespect shown by bullying cowards who would rather skulk through the night than meet face-to-face in the open market of ideas.

images (58)I suspect that is one of the reasons honor compelled Nathan Bedford Forrest to quit the Ku Klux Klan. However, General Forrest’s crisis of conscience and repentance is sufficient neither for Yankees nor the scallywags intent on rewriting history and perverting Southern culture to mirror their wicked ways.

Which is worse? Defile 300,000 privates or desecrate one General. I suspect General Forrest would sacrifice himself in that situation, but I doubt Liberals will take just one as a peace offering. Their thirst is never slaked.

If the Mayor of Memphis and the race-baiting carpetbaggers with whom he associates have their way, the next step in drinking dry the river of defiant liberty that runs through the South will be eradicating all public memory of Confederates. The first being the combination memorial statue and grave of Nathan Bedford Forrest.

Allow me to engage for a moment in a favorite rhetorical tactic of Liberals; the comparative cause and effect.

What do you imagine the reaction would be if a monument to Martin Luther King or Medgar Evers was spray painted with graffiti of any type?

Liberals would lose their minds. There would literally be riots in the streets. Police Chiefs would be fired for allowing such sacrilege to occur in the first place. Every politician would feel compelled to issue an apology and publicly flagellate himself for either being too white or not black enough.

Clearly, I exaggerate to make a point, but what sort of uproar would ensure? Now, think of the response when the vandalism has actually happened where the targets were held in equally high regard by Southerners.

I am waiting patiently for headlines of “White Riots in the Streets” and any politician to issue an apology on behalf of the vandals.

Twitter hashtags and Facebook posts have whipped up sufficient public sentiment to erase entire sections of history and subject an unpopular minority to public scorn. How much longer before we are required to wear armbands with yellow Southern Crosses emblazoned on them?

DylannIf a half-retarded racist with a bad haircut and a few strokes of a keyboard can conjure up this much vitriol and willingness to infringe on the freedoms of a fellow citizen, I don’t hold out much hope for the Constitution or any of the Amendments.

As we go into the Independence Day weekend, we would do well to remember our Founding Fathers, who were most definitely rebels and traitors to the English Crown. Like the original Confederates, the Founding Fathers broke away from the established government that allowed slavery only to form a new government more to their liking which allowed slavery, but at the same time, recognized it as the dying institution it was.

foundersIn both instances, the Founders’ feelings on slavery were decidedly mixed, but each group agreed among itself their current government was unresponsive to their needs, disdainful of their rights as citizens, and had become arbitrary in its use of power to the point of tyranny.

If the main impetus for Southern secession in 1861 was maintaining slavery and subjugation of the black race, then so to was it for the American declaration of independence from England in 1776.

How to Ruin a Business in 5 Easy Steps – A Guide to Liberal Activism

gay isis flagI was surprised by the response to LGBT ISIS. Those particular Liberals don’t have a well-developed sense of humor, so I expected negative feedback from the usual lunatics. However, several Rainbow Warriors of my acquaintance, whom I expected to issue a fatwa against me, displayed keen senses of humor at my turns of phrase and thorough understating of how a free market operates.

It turns out fags don’t mind being called fags as long as you can make them laugh while you’re doing it. Or maybe they’re just grooming me for recruitment. I’m not sure.

Donnell, I left my watch on your nightstand. Can you get it back to me? Thanks, bro.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Gay fatwas

Me: “What would a gay fatwa entail? Being held down and my hair styled while show tunes played in the background?”gay_terrorist

My one gay friend: “Or maybe Techno. Depends on how old they are. And then we’d convert you, if you know what I mean.”

Me: “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Sailor.”

For the couple of people who got really angry at me and vowed to never read another thing I’ve written (and then oddly enough, forwarded or linked back to the post to tell people who had never heard of me what a jackass I am), I wanted to expand on the venerable tradition of the boycott.

BoycottAmerican colonialists made extensive use of boycotts of English goods in the years leading up to the American Revolution. I would argue that based on the size of the Colonial economy, compared to all the other markets available around the world, the actual financial impact of thirteen colonies in a backwater of the British Empire refusing to buy a handful of British goods was minimal.

The boycotts were of far more symbolic value to the separatists than any amount of financial blow to the British GNP. Contrary to the stated aim of hurting British business interests, the men who would become our Founding Fathers created privation and hardship among their most loyal followers by convincing them to eschew necessities of life not easily or inexpensively obtained from alternate sources.

In the grand Liberal tradition of bullying those with whom you disagree into doing what you want, here is a page from the Liberal Playbook; How to Ruin a Business in 5 Easy Steps.

Step 1

Force a confrontation with an unsuspecting victim

In the recent Indiana Religious Freedom Protection Act tempest, a local Indiana news affiliate, hungry to create a news Memories Pizzastory on a slow day, descended on the Podunk town of Walkerton (population 2,200). Poor Mrs. O’Conner of Memories Pizza was too kind-natured and polite to do what she should have done. She should have beaten that news reporter with an oven peel until his innards oozed out of at least two orifices. Instead, Mrs. O’Conner displayed the patience of a good Christian (certainly one better than I) and stated her belief with certitude. We all know what happened next.

This step relies on finding someone who is unprepared to speak on camera. People in the various camps of gun rights (open carry, concealed carry, hunters, select-fire aficionados, etc.) are media savvy enough to prepare supporters with tips and talking points to use should one of them be cornered by a news crew. Most Christians don’t yet understand there is a war of annihilation being waged against them.

Step 2

Gin up social unrest over the perceived slight

BullySocial media is the current method to whip up public opprobrium against the offending person, group, or organization. Liberals are masters of it. Not because they are particularly media savvy in getting a message out. Quite the opposite. Organizations such as Moms Demand Action, Gun Sense, and Planned Parenthood do not have a history of effective media campaigns. They only gain high levels of traction because of a high engagement rate by the target audience.

We know from sociological studies that the vast majority of the country are quite conservative people too busy making a living to spend much time pushing a social cause. They believe in a “mind your own business” philosophy and rarely become involved in silly “raising awareness” efforts, and they certainly don’t believe in engaging in vendettas aimed at someone’s livelihood.

Alas, that is the problem. Liberals practice a scorched earth policy and believe in the total destruction of every philosophical enemy.

Like Hitler, Mao, Pol Pot, and Stalin, Liberals literally believe those with whom they disagree do not deserve to live.

Step 3

Convince your useful idiots they are homophobic, racists, sexists, or simply uncool for patronizing said business

Taco Bell, PepsiCo, and McDonalds are solid, established brands. Like Starbucks, an identical menu is offered at every I quit my joblocation. However, unlike Starbucks, the other three are viewed by the young, hip, and liberal segment of American society as being old-fashioned, staid, corporate (whatever that means), and environmentally unfriendly.

For reasons I fail to grasp, a sizeable chunk of society has some sort of allergic reaction to a business that issues stock. In the process of picking winners and losers, they derisively call the disfavored companies “corporations,” as if the socially favored Starbucks and Whole Foods are not structured under the same incorporation rules as the companies they loathe.

The difference is Taco Bell, et al have realized the peculiar penchants of these retarded hippies and turned it to their advantage by employing “intrepreneurs” to create seemingly local, almost mom-and-pop storefronts that appeal to food snobs who would not be caught dead eating in a chain restaurant. The American Taco Company that hipsters love so much is an entity created and entirely owned by Taco Bell, but the useful idiot foodies are largely unaware and flock to the joint.

For fun, I think I would like to hang out at one of these pseudo-local businesses and hand out fliers blowing the restaurant’s cover.

But that would make me no better than the Liberals. Besides, I have a job that takes up all my free time.

Step 4

Seek redress through sympathetic courts

Kangaroo courtLawyers call in “venue shopping.” Much like a pill-head going from medical provider to medical provider in search of scrips for their drug of choice, part of the process is identifying complicit sources. Lawsuits work in a similar manner where the lawyer picks a business to target (See Step 1) that resides in a jurisdiction he judges to have the best chance of success.

As distasteful and cynical as that process seems, it works. Hence, the states making up the Ninth Circuit are the favored grounds to initiate legal challenges to open questions of law or to challenge existing precedent.

Believe it or not, appeals lawyers actively seek out sympathetic appellants with clean criminal backgrounds willing to be arrested and stick with a case through the appellate process.

Do you think Rosa Parks happened by accident? She was hand-picked from the Civil Rights faithful to intentionally violate the segregation laws, while several other similar pending cases were passed over for whatever reasons because the lawyers believed they were ultimately losers.

Step 5

Ruin lives and livelihoods in the name of equality, fairness, and self-esteem

Memories Pizza in Walkerton, Indiana may very well be a memory as the owners doubt they can continue to run the I quitbusiness, or even continue to live in Walkerton, after the number of terroristic threats and amount of sundry harassment to which they have been subjected.

Waging a campaign to destroy my business by publicizing what a jackass you believe me to be is one thing. Threatening to burn that business down, rape my wife and children in front of me, and then kill all of us…

SpartaWell, I take threats at face value and everyone at their word, so choose your words wisely, Persian. This is Sparta.

Moms Demand Action has been throwing an entirely unsuccessful hissy fit against Kroger for their refusal to require their customers to disarm to gain entry to the business. They achieved a measure of success in bullying Target into a wishy-washy appeasement policy that effectively says “We’d prefer you didn’t wear a gun in the store, but we won’t say anything, if you do.”

Where these harpies have had success is Starbucks. Considering the company’s hippy-dippy, white guilt ethos, prohibitingHarpy open carry in their stores was visible a mile off.

Were I of the Liberal mindset, I would be picketing outside the nearest Starbucks screaming my head off about how my rights have been violated, threatening property damage, and interviewing lawyers for the inevitable lawsuit.

But as I said earlier, I have a job and better things to do than force a company that hates my guts and everything I stand for to take my money.

I’d much rather patronize a business that welcomes me in the first place. No protests, lawsuits, social media campaigns, or any other silliness. Just take the money of a middle-aged, heterosexual, traditionally married, opposite sex couple that wants to buy a cup a coffee.