Common Sense Gun Control


1Gun1Congress is currently considering the Sexual Violence Toward Women Prevention Act of 2016, which will add possession of a Y-chromosome to the category of Prohibited Firearms Possessors. Gun Control organizations, including the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, Moms Demand Action, and the various Bloomberg organizations, have endorsed the bill and are leading a grassroots effort to fast-track the legislation.

The bill was introduced in response to the rising levels of gun violence in recent years, combined with the inability of magazine clip capacity limits, implementation of gun-free zones, and prohibition of automatic assault weapon machine guns, to stem the tide of children’s corpses piling up faster than crunchy tube socks at an all-boys summer camp.

1gun2Citing a consensus of research scientists, the gun control organizations rightly point out that the vast majority of the prison population possesses a Y-chromosome, as do ninety percent of workers who experience workplace fatalities. Clearly, they argue, Y-chromosomes cause violent, criminal behavior which justified incarceration, as well as workplace inattention leading to fatal injuries.

“Y-chromosome possession is also the leading cause of boys pulling on girls’ pigtails and roughhousing on grammar school playgrounds across the country,” said Senator Al Franken (D – Minnesota). “Add in a gun and a few hundred-thousand Muslim, Somali refugees who refuse to assimilate, and you’ve got a real problem on your hands. We’ve got to think of the children.”

“It’s really about protecting the majority of the American population from the violent minority,” added Vice President Joe Biden. “It’s a teeny, tiny bit of liberty exchanged for an awful lot of safety and security.”

1gun3In addition to co-sponsorship from stalwart feminist legislators, who were kind enough to take a break from demanding equal workplace representation of women in the coal mining and sanitation engineering fields, the enlightened leftist of The View showed support for the bill by wearing paper X’s pinned to their lapels and declared they would here forth eschew the letter “Y,” as it is a symbol of misogyny.

When asked whether the letter would be deleted from the English alphabet or simply replaced with a similar sounding vowel, such as “women” to “womyn,” the ladies were at a loss.

As would be expected, the National Rifle Association Institute for Legislative Action plans to mount a vigorous opposition and eventual legal battle, should the bill become law.

“The Y-gene/violence connection isn’t settled science and is bad basis for law,” tweeted the NRA-ILA account, shortly before its blue “Verified” check was rescinded and the account suspended for promoting hate speech.

History is clearly on the side of the bill’s supporters. During the beginning of the 20th century, Turkey found its Armenian population to be quite disruptive and took away their guns. As a result, when was the last time anyone heard a peep out of Armenians that didn’t involve a parade or a restaurant opening?

1gun4Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, Hitler, Pinochet, et al., not having the benefit of a living Constitution that changes meaning with the times, had to go about the distasteful task of persecuting and murdering their troublesome minorities to maintain political control the old fashioned way.

The Sexual Violence Toward Women Prevention Act of 2016 will protect American women against violent men with dangerous guns by preventing them from possessing them in the first place; just like the Volstead Act and the Comprehensive Drug Abuse Prevention and Control Act of 1970 were such rousing successes.

 

This article was originally written for and appeared in the Libertarian Party of Florida newsletter The Quill. Editor Raquel Okyay graciously granted permission to re-publish.

 

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4 thoughts on “Common Sense Gun Control

  1. They say that you know you have great satire when people cannot tell if it’s satire. There is enough in the post to make me think that this must be satire, yet at the same time, I’ve seen enough stupid and absurd in recent years to realize that this may actually be for real. I think I can honestly say that if this is not satire, then our politicians must be actively trying to out-stupid each other as though there is some prize that will be awarded to the most successful at the end of the term.

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  2. […] My first thought was the campaign was connected to Stephen King’s IT movie adaptation. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and television mini-series. However, with a release date of September 2017, the timing seems off. Hysterical clown sightings for nearly a year seems to be too long to ask to hold the public’s attention. […]

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  3. […] The NRA long ago abdicated its mission statement of protecting firearms rights in favor of being the public relations firm for friendly, well-dressed sport shooing enthusiasts, who are too upper-middle class to entertain the notion that our descendants might possibly, one day in the distant future, run out of political options and be forced, with heavy hearts, to dismantle what our ancestors so painstakingly created. […]

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