Rack ‘Em Up

Check Out My Knuckle
Check Out My Knuckle

When I wrote a post satirizing the Ice Bucket Challenge called the Moose Knuckle Challenge, little did I know what would happen.  My tongue was planted firmly in my cheek when I suggested men take photos of their underwear-clad…um, boy parts and post them on social media to raise awareness for testicular cancer.

Thoughts of capturing a little social media lightning in a bottle were attractive to the novice blogger I am, but my realist nature convinced me it would most likely be shouting in the forest.  The worst thing I imagined happening was complete indifference from readers; just another blurb that appeared in people’s e-mail or WordPress Reader that was ignored from lack of interest, time, or both.  The best outcome would be some ephemeral internet notoriety that ultimately amounted to nothing.

Excuse Me.  I Specifically Asked for Super-Size.
Excuse Me. I Specifically Asked for Super-Size.

What I got was some weird no-man’s land that confuses me greatly.

After a couple of weeks performing like any other post (That is, OK the first week and an occasional visit thereafter), visits started to increase.  They have built to the point where The Moose Knuckle Challenge post accounts for two-thirds to three-quarters of the visits to my blog every day.

And it’s driving me nuts, if you will excuse the pun.

Based on the data from WordPress, what I suspect is happening is someone decides they want to satisfy some prurient interest of theirs by gazing at the outline of a stranger’s nether regions, Googles out “Moose Knuckle” or some variant, and becomes sorely disappointed when he visits my post.  Part of me it thrilled for the traffic, but another part is genuinely upset that these visitors abandon my blog on discovery there are no photos of naughty bits to be had.

I enjoy nudie pictures as much as anyone, but that is not what this particular blog is about.

Portuguese Brain Shot
Portuguese Brain Shot

So, I’m at a bit of a loss over what to do.  I certainly don’t want this blog to become an adult site.  Lord knows I’m barely acceptable for much of polite society as it is.  That is not a line I’m interested in crossing.  Even when I eventually get around to publishing my back catalog of erotica, I’m not sure I want it to influence the tone here.  I’ve racked my brain for a way to convert those random visits to traffic to the rest of my posts, but something tells me that people searching specifically for photos of Spandex-clad genitals are not interested in bat shit crazy anti-fur protesters, social media bullies, the stages of the Hero’s Journey or the archetypes found within it.  You would think they might be interested in humorous anecdotes of carousing with shit-kickers, Portuguese Tupperware, hatred of HOAs, or why my neighbor wants me in prison.

Alas, the search for titillation focuses the mind to exclude serendipitous discovery.

Maybe that is a good thing.  It serves to shoo away the window shoppers.  If I ran a car dealership, wouldn’t I welcome a mechanism to separate those who only want a test drive from the serious buyers?  Perhaps the Moose Knuckle Challenge post serves as a gatekeeper of sorts and keeps out the riffraff.  Or maybe a photo of my junk just isn’t that interesting.  I guess I should stop my crying.

A Google search for “Moose Knuckle Challenge” returns stuff I’ve written in three of the top four spots.  I am told that is a good thing, but do I really want to be “The Moose Knuckle Guy”?  I need to figure out how to work this whole Search Engine Optimization thing.


5 thoughts on “Rack ‘Em Up

  1. I do have to say that “The Moose Knuckle Challenge” was one of my favorite posts on your site but of course I am a 40-something suburban mom that doesn’t get out much either. Although I have to admit that when you wrote “I mean big ‘ol bovine-sized butt bullets shoved in elbow deep by some grizzled old cowboy chain-smoking unfiltered cigarettes and never once touching the coffin nail with his hands because he knows very well where they have been.” I have fallen for your little old Portuguese pen ever since.

    Quite frankly, you are my favorite blogger so I wasn’t surprised to see you write this and I laughed out loud. I have found that several site searches that led people to me are similar to: “Are you working naked in the ICU?” Apparently we both attract interesting followers.


    • Thank you. That really raised my spirits.
      Having been Noc Charge for a residential care facility (117 beds) and Security Manager for a 400-bed hospital (I forget what level. We had a Psych wing, L&D, ER that took everything but gunshots), I have an appreciation for stories most people won’t tell at the dinner table. Unfortunately, that’s my favorite place to tell them, so I can watch everyone’s reaction.
      Nurses are some of my favorite people.

      Liked by 1 person

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