Keep Your Damn Umbrella


Like all the literary men I worship, my drink of choice is Scotch.  Not that blended stuff, mind you, but good, old fashioned single malt.  My preference is four fingers and four new ice cubes.  I like to keep things simple.  However, I have been experimenting with a Japanese ice cube that is really a misnomer because it is round and about twice the size of a golf ball.  It is as effective as it is different.  Leave it to the Japanese to improve on a great concept.

Some may disagree with my serving preference.  I say they are barbarians.  In a world where we have ice aplenty and heat our rooms to where a sweater and furry boots are not a requirement to be comfortable (I’m looking directly at you Englanders), there is definitely need to lower the temperature of the Gods’ Nectar.  Even the most ardent fans of neat Scotch will be spied putting in a finger of water to break the surface tension and release the aroma held captive in our wonderful libation.  Remember, ice melts in Scotch, so the result is not so far off.

Don’t get me wrong, I like beer just fine and have experimented with making my own wine at home, but I have reached the point in my drinking career that much like my hard-drinking literary role-models, I like the control of the buzz liquor gives.  Mixed drinks are fine, as well.  However, you can keep the ones that contain more than two ingredients.  More than two, and you might as well learn to menstruate and start watching The View because you’ve entered Chicksville.

And umbrellas have absolutely no place anywhere near my drinks.

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